my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. He is a kind man and I love him. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. If physical intimacy is missing and one partner is complaining about it, you know theres something going on. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. Dont hold it against her. Then if you still have to, decide. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? Demetria, so how old are you now? A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. Talk about a double standard! I am desperate. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. At that time my job became demanding. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. If you search my wife wont touch me sexually, it may be time to stop thinking about sex and start thinking about dating. * PLATFORM OR CMS. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Same exact situation here its a living hell! this.page.identifier = PAGE_IDENTIFIER; Addie When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. You need to know. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. With all of that being said, I an understand your frustration. That old saying use or loose it.. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. I NEED an active partner. This sounds exactly like my situation although I am the husband. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. This so frustrating at times. Withholding sex as punishment is hostile you deserve better. Get some technique. Feel like I wasted my life!!! Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). Affection (hold hands, rub shoulders, tap butt, arm around shoulder, hugs, kisses, winks, that special look, etc), compliments, please, thank you, inside jokes, cheerleader, cleaning, cooking, repairs, child rearing, activities together, exercise together, etc will go a long way to leading to sex again. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. Resentment Colors your entire relationship gray. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. 2. . It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. He sits around the house and watches tv all day long. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. Wrong! Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. Your situation is my situation ! It might be seen as an act of charity on the womans part, but is it really a healthy recipe for life? It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. We have tried everything ( I mean everything ) but nothing seems to work and Im getting desperate! When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. Key points. .! Its maddening! Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. And Ive been caught too. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. Without the energy of wooing, the fear of missing out if we do not woo, we fall into complacency and boredom. I wouldnt even care if he watched or joined. Hello fingers!! I dont thinks this was the place to sound your horn (pun). Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? She NEVER asks but will tell me I can have it whenever I want. My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. But it nearly tore us apart. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . I am 62 years old and a healthy man with sexual needs. Some nice and some angry! Susan.I second Seans reply to you. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. Be truthful. If shes not in the mood neither am I . Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? "The typical, goal-oriented 'round-the-bases' approach to sex doesn't inspire, arouse, or satisfy women," relationship coach Bez Stone writes at mbg. She claims to always be tired anyway. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. But when I try to go to the next level. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. Were in a lifetime partnership. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. Sorry long diatribe. I am 53 and my wife is 55. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Dear, PS Bishislife, Wow!!! Thank God I love to ski. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Yes. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. I think it is up to me to possibly leave my marriage because my husband is not about to change, discuss any issues, or ultimately have sex. Demanding sex is not way to go, maybe we would like to hear her opinion. Only once really in love. Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex. I want that back in my life as well! I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like shes failing at this parenting thing. I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Were just a hole for your pole . I am a married woman of 69 and my husband (also 69) lost all interest in sex quite some time ago. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Loved and desired! He retired a decade ago against my wishes. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. That has been HER normal. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. Not you at all by the sounds of it. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? Less. I literally want sex daily and extremely sleep deprived because many nights I am rock hard all night long. Life is definitely funny. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". She may begin to stop seeing herself as a sexual being as she assumes the role of mother, a role that society often strongly desexualizes. Sounds like case of no money no honey. However, some comments are not welcome here as violations of our Comment Policy. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. We men are so caught up in our egos . Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. . While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. We started dating in high school and never separated. Praying for these husbands. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. I have come to that conclusion also. you get it. Frustrated. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. Holy Cow, I have about had it. 10. And I still dont even know why! I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Maybe we should start a group. If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. And I am one of those. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. I feel like Ive been through hell. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! Its not always the woman who has no interest. We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. I just dont understand. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. Laura. The less stressed she is, the more free space she has in her mind to devote to all things naughty. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. Now its Im sore there. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. He is older than I am but even when we were younger, he was like that. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel.

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